


Ashes

by captaincaitay



Series: Lost and Found [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game), Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Post-Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order, Post-Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Post-Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:34:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24059068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captaincaitay/pseuds/captaincaitay
Summary: What does it mean to be lost? To lose yourself to the one thing you trained most of your life to defeat? To succumb to the darkness? To lose those you loved the most? Anakin Skywalker was, and always will be the Chosen one. But he fell, and the galaxy and the Force felt it all at once. Everyone around him felt it - Anakin Skywalker was lost. The Jedi Order is purged. The Republic has fallen, and the Empire rises from its ashes. The Force is unbalanced, but only he can bring back the peace - only he can defeat the Emperor. But with Anakin Skywalker lost, and his connection to the Force severed, hope seems to be lost. But the Force works in mysterious ways. There's one person out there who can save him; bring Anakin Skywalker back. And the time is coming. The balance in the Force needs to be fixed. Anakin Skywalker must be found so the Emperor's tyrannous and evil reign can be stopped. Hope is out there, in hiding, but it's there. Darth Vader (Anakin) just doesn't know it yet.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker/Reader, Darth Vader/Reader, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Reader
Series: Lost and Found [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1690726
Comments: 63
Kudos: 141





	1. I'll Always Be Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eek omg this is the one that made me SOB buckets like pained me to write awhile ago.. hope you guys enjoy. im in uncharted territory at this point so pls let me know what you think :)

The Empire stood for many things. None of those things included peace, freedom, justice, and security. Crime was rampant on every world, every dark alley you dared to walk down you ran the risk of being jumped, and the fear that spread through people when they saw the white of the Stormtroopers armour would make the bravest of hearts cower out of sight. The thought would make anyone who saw the days before these weep in remembrance.

Before the fall of the Republic. Before the Jedi were purged. Before the Chancellor became the Emperor. Before Anakin Skywalker was lost to the dark side. Before the rise of Lord Vader.

The name instilled fear into the hearts of many. Common people didn’t know what Darth Vader looked like, they just heard the whispers amongst them. He wasn’t a man, but a machine dressed in black. Tall and intimidating. You could hear his breathing before you saw him, but even then it was too late. He was unstoppable. He was deadly. And he didn’t care who he struck down.

That’s what the galaxy turned into. It had been three years since the fall of the Republic, since the Jedi were killed off, and each day the future grew more bleak than the one before. Every corner you turned there were Stormtroopers enforcing some kind of unheard law. Even here, in the blandest of places, they were here too.

Tatooine didn’t change through the years. The hot desert planet with two suns would never change. It truly was a desolate world. How it still stood would always make one wonder. After the rise of the Empire, the Hutts Cartel seemed to only grow in number. The drought that was taking seed in Tatooine was lucrative for the Hutts, as they had just implemented a water tax. The fact the Empire let it happen was laughable, but what really surprised you anymore?

That surprise and guilt never filled your mind anymore. The last three years have taken a toll on your heart and morals. Having to re-settle into life on Tatooine took a bit of time, but establishing yourself had to happen quickly. With bounty hunting becoming more popular, you had the idea of capitalizing off of it. It was a good cover anyway, and you could keep an eye on things from afar. Building your gang was what took the most time, since you had easily beaten respect into anyone who challenged you. Fairly, of course.

You often frequented this disgusting cantina and sat in the farthest booth in the back with your feet kicked onto the table. Arms crossed, you just listened to your members talk and fight amongst themselves. They had become almost your second family after you lost. . You stopped the thought from entering your mind, instead taking a sip at the beer that was in your fingers. It had been a rather slow week for the bounty hunting clan, but you narrowed your sight on a man who entered the cantina.

“Ras,” you called out to one of your followers, gaining the attention of the male Twi’lek. You nodded your head at the lost soul who was searching for you, and Ras’ eyes darted over in realization, before tossing you a knowing grin. He stood from the booth and walked over to the man, throwing his hands behind the man's shoulders. You didn’t know what he said to him, but when he faced the human your way and began to lead him over, the noticeable lack of color made you guess a couple of possibilities.

Ras sat the man down in a single chair that was opposite the rounded booth. Ras grinned and walked behind the booth so he stood directly behind you, and stepped back into the darkness. He was for the theatrics today it seemed, and you kept your eye on the bottle in your hand.

“I was told you have a puck for me,” you started, finally looking over to the man across from you. You saw him look you over before raising a brow.

“You’re Trace?” He asked. You chuckled a bit, finally lowering your legs and turning to the table fully, leaning your arms on the table to stare him down.

“Do you have a puck for me, or not.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a demand. You didn’t lift your stare until the man reached into his jacket and threw a puck down onto the table. Even then you held your look on him for a couple more seconds until you grabbed the puck in your palm. As soon as you did Ras was grabbing the man by his jacket and pulling him back to the exit. You sat back against the rough cushions and turned the puck on to show the groups next target.

Well, it was easy enough. You could give it to Chorda, she was busting your ass for work just a few days ago. She was even eyeing you now, and you rolled your eyes and tossed it her way. The Rhodian caught it and let out a small noise in anticipation.

The cantina door opened and in walked a hooded figure. The sudden burst of sunlight made your eyes land on the person who walked in. The more you watched them, and the fact they didn’t remove their cover made you slide your hand down your side to the holster tucked on your leg and flick it open. Something about their presence made your skin itch, and they moved closer and closer. Ras sat in the chair the human had just evicted and saw your stare and followed your eyes to the hood covered being and stood up tall, gaining the attention of the other bounty hunters. Four more of your crew stood up in defense which started to gain the attention of other cantina dwellers. Ras stuck his hand out to the hooded being to stop them.

“Is there something we can help you with hoss?” Ras asked. You could see the hooded figures head tip up, but Ras’s body blocked them from your view. You could at the very least make out their hand lift in a way you also couldn’t see too clearly, but you saw Ras falter a bit. You carefully stood from your seat and kept your hand placed on your blaster. Ras took a step backwards, and your crew parted down the middle. The mysterious figure reached up and peeled back their hood, and you were faced with someone you hadn’t seen since you left Coruscant all those moons ago.

Obi-Wan Kenobi stood just feet from you, not looking like he aged a day from that time. His hair was grown out and his beard still looked the same, but you could see the change in his eyes. He didn’t greet you with his familiar smile, and you didn’t either. You had to do your best in concealing the shock you felt. It was something you hadn’t felt in a long time.

A few moments passed until you nodded to Ras. Your crew backed off from the two of you and went to the other cantina occupants. One by one they grabbed and threw people towards the door, and you stood there to stare at your old companion. One by one the cantina emptied until it was just you and him.

You locked your holster and sat back into the booth you so often sat in. Obi-Wan Kenobi sat across from you and still, neither of you said a word to one another. He was gauging you just like you were doing to him.

“It looks like you’ve set yourself up well,” he spoke. That familiar drawl almost made you smile. Almost. You shrugged your shoulders.

“Good money. Gives them work,” you offered.

“Is that how it works? They do the deed and you get paid?”

“Oh don’t patronize me,” you threw back. “They do the work? They make the money from it. I have the pleasure of dealing with the Clan by myself, and they aren’t nice people.”

Obi-wan studied you, before he spoke next. “I heard stories about this infamous hunter, Trace they called them,” he paused as you reached for your almost finished beer and let out a chuckle before you took a sip. “Had one of the biggest clans on Tatooine, favored by the Hutts-”

“Well,” you cut him off before placing the bottle aggressively on the table. “Guilty as charged. . Let’s cut the shit, what are you doing here O-”

“Ben,” he cut you off this time. You couldn’t help the grin on your face after that.

“Sorry, _Ben_. What do you want.”

He frowned at you and sighed. “What happened to you? You used to be so-”

“So what,” you pressed, feeling your jaw tighten. “Hopeful? Charismatic? Lovely to be around?” You scoffed and shook your head as a sad smile formed on your lips. But Obi-Wan-- _Ben_ nodded at you.

“At least yourself,” he said quietly. Your smile fell and you felt a lump form in your throat.

“Yeah, well,” you whispered, averting your eyes from his gaze to look at your hands. “That part of me died three years ago. . With him.”

Ben looked at you with sad eyes, noticing the tears that began to form in yours. You squeezed your eyes shut when you felt it and reopened them to give him that same stoney look. Ben shook his head and sighed.

“I was hoping that you would be interested in helping me with something,” he said carefully. You laughed a bit, of course he didn’t come here to check in on you. He wanted something. That’s all the Jedi wanted from you. The only reason they kept you around.

“And here I was thinking I was getting a visit from an old friend,” you smiled at him in a light scoff. “What are you proposing. I may have someone I can lend-”

“No,” he cut you off, “only you.”

It caught your attention, and you leaned forward to rest your arms on the table. “What are you proposing, Ben.”

“I need help looking over Luke,” he said. You raised a brow at him, not knowing the name.

“Who?”

Ben let out a deep sigh, still not answering you. You narrowed your brows in concentration until it finally dawned on you. You look softened, and you leaned backwards until your back hit the hard cushions.

“She had the baby,” you whispered. He shook his head.

“She had twins,” he told you. You gaped a bit at him as you tried to search for words, but nothing came out, so he continued with. “But only the boy is hidden here.”

“There’s a girl,” you said matter of factly to yourself, and he nodded again. “Where is he-”

“With his family,” Ben confirmed. Right. His family. There was a moisture farm a bit of ways away. You didn’t avert your gaze from his soft blue eyes, almost afraid that he was tricking you. You had never thought that the Senator had the baby, you heard of her death and just assumed. Your heart grew heavy. For the first time in years it grew heavy. But you shook your head.

“No,” you suddenly said, standing abruptly from the booth. Ben watched in shock but was quick on his feet as you were headed for the door. He grabbed onto your arm and spun you back to face him.

“Let go of me-” you started and he cut you off.

“You need to snap out of it, (Y/N),” he said, grabbing hold of your shoulders.

“Don’t call me-”

“What?” He cut you off once more, raising his voice at you. “Don’t call you by your name?”

You shoved his arms off, glaring him down as he planted his feet into the ground. He had never stared at you in such anger, but you matched it just as easily. He shook his head.

“You act like you’re the only one who lost someone that day,” he started, and then pointed to himself. “All my friends are gone. . and I lost my brother. I loved him just as much as you did.”

“I know,” you spat out at him. “I know what you lost. I know what the galaxy lost. I had to feel it all, I had to. . I had to see it all.”

His glare softened and he glanced down at your fist that was tightened at your side. “I saw every Jedi fall that day. I felt all of their cries, every shot that split through their bodies,” you paused as tears threatened to fall down your face. “I felt their light leave me. And then I felt,” you had to stop at the name, not being able to bring yourself to say it when a tear slid down your cheek. “I felt him get pulled from me. It was like he was torn right from my side.”

Ben watched as you began to shake, and the tears just continued to fall, and he took a step closer to you as you just talked. “I had to watch him kill all of those younglings, and I. . I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t stop him,” you shook your head as the man in front of you carefully grabbed your arms. “The _anger_ he felt. The hatred he held for you, I felt it all. I saw it all. I saw the fight, and I had to watch as his body melted before me. I had to hear his screams when they put him into that suit,” a sob left your lips. “I couldn’t help him.”

He pulled you into his arms as the tears poured down your face. Your arms went around his neck as he held you and you cried. You could feel his hands on your back and the way they rubbed you slowly. Ben shed a couple of tears on his own, though you would never see it, and just held you against his body until you calmed down.

This was the woman he remembered. The one who cared about something and doing the right thing. Strong, but still confident enough to share these moments with people. Often that was with. . _Him_ , but he saw it a few times. It never made you weak, no never. It was often something he admired, even if it was against the Jedi way, your ability to express your emotions was something he always looked at as one of your qualities. Because he could never have admitted that. Maybe not even now.

Your cries had quieted and he slowly peeled his head from atop yours. Your eyes were glued onto something to his side so he carefully released you. No your eyes weren’t glued to something, they looked like they were dull again. You glanced at him and shook your head.

“I don’t know if you actually want my help, Ben. I’m not as helpful as I once was.”

He raised a brow. “I doubt that, but. . What is it you mean?”

You sighed, taking a seat on one of the barstools nearby, and lacing your fingers together on your lap. “Before I fled here I cut myself off from the Force.”

He blinked at you until you looked his way again, and offered him a small smile. No wonder tracking you down was so hard, and no wonder he didn’t feel any sort of connection just now. He settled himself onto the barstool and laced his hands together as well.

“Did they tell you to do it?”

You nodded, knowing who he was talking about. “If I didn’t he would’ve found me,” you glanced at him, “Sidious would’ve found me first. They said that it was for my safety, but when the time was right they’d be back. I haven’t had any visions since then.”

Ben nodded beside you, and sighed deeply which made you raise a brow at him, “Well. I guess it’s a good thing.”

“Good thing?” You asked. And then he smiled at you.

“Well it’s not like we can just go around using lightsabers anymore, and I’ve heard your quite an aim with that,” he motioned to the blaster that hung on your leg. You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped your lips.

“What exactly are you needing help with?” You asked.

“I’ve taken residence a fair ways from here, and the Raiders are getting more and more antsy with my presence. I’m afraid our peace is coming to an end if I don’t meet with their Chieftain.”

“ _You_ want to meet with the Chieftain?” You exclaimed, only earning a nod from him. You rolled your eyes and mumbled. “You’re turning out to be quite that surprise, Ben.”

“Is that a yes?” He asked, looking over your face for any kind of answer. It wasn’t until the corner of your lips lifted in a smile did he smile wide.

“I’m in.”

* * *

Heavy steps filled the corridor. Each boot met the shiny floor and those around cowered. Power was the one thing Lord Vader feasted on. Fear was just something he admired. The aversion of people’s eyes, the way they held their breaths as he towered before them, it made his presence that more powerful. As he marched his way down the corridors of his Star Destroyer to his chambers, Vader was met with the inkling of a familiar sensation. He didn’t stop to ponder this feeling until the door to his chambers slid shut. With the grip of his hand he looked through his mechanical helmet at the environment around him.

Vader could not seem to forget the time before he killed Anakin Skywalker. He often imagined the faces of the pesky Jedi he once served with, and cursed them from his mind. But there were a few images he never pushed away. For some inexplicable reason, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. But Vader squashed his rememberings, and moved towards his meditation pod.

This is where Vader often tried to retune himself with the Force. He could climb inside and have his helmet removed so he could breathe the filtered air on his own. And that is what he did now. He sat himself on the throne-like seat and the pod closed him inside, and something lowered from above to remove his helmet. The sizzle it released was a comforting sound, and Vader blinked at the sights before him. Before his very own eyes.

He cursed his old Master for doing this to him, for putting him in this state. He often struggled to reconnect with the Force after long periods of time, and he also couldn’t function like he used to on his own. One day he would make his old Master pay for what he’s done to him. He will make him suffer like he has for the last three years.

Vader closed his eyes to calm his thoughts. He reached out before him for that connection he so desperately sought, and his mind wandered onto the abyss of darkness.

Vader’s eyes opened once more, but he wasn’t in his pod. Now he was laid in a bed, and he could feel the cool silk sheets under his back. His flesh back. His flesh hand and mechanical one too. This was before the Purge, a memory. He couldn’t help his heart swell as he realized where he was.

Something moved against him, a quiet murmur filled his ear, and a head came up near his. He fought the urge to look their way, but his desperation won this battle. On his chest a hand rested and on top of that was a chin. His eyes took in the sight of the body who laid with him, and he couldn’t help the smile that spread over his lips.

“Have you been up long,” the voice nearly whispered. Vader nodded, running that unfamiliar flesh hand up the unforgettable skin of another.

“A long time,” he murmured. His voice was different. It was filled with. . Something. He hadn’t heard it this way in so long. But then again, he hadn’t seen you in just as long.

You were still beautiful. The way your eyes shined when they looked at him, the way your smile made his heart ache, the little way you bit your lip in anticipation. He longed to see this again. But then he frowned, and your face scrunched up, and the hand that rested on his chest went to hold his cheek. It shocked him how soft your hand still was against him.

“What is it, Ani?” You whispered. His eye twitched at the name. He hadn’t heard it in so long. But he didn’t detest it when he heard it from your lips.

“I’ve missed you,” he quietly admitted. A small smile fell upon your lips, and you pulled yourself up more so you hovered over him. Oh to once again see how you crawled on top of him, legs wrapping around him in such a familiar and intimate way, and fully cupping his face in your hands, it made something swell up in his chest, and burn behind his throat. It was all wrong. But Vader he. . He didn’t care right now. It had been too long since he saw you.

You brushed some hair from his forehead, he could feel the familiar strands under your fingers and he nuzzled his face into your hand, his metal one coming above yours. His eyes closed and he let this moment settle in his mind. Just one more memory of you, he could at least allow himself to have that. Your giggle made his eyes reopen and you were looking down at him in curiosity.

“Ani,” you said again, but this time he didn’t flinch. “You’re so touch starved.”

Vader couldn’t help but nod. “I am,” his raspy voice admitted.

Your smile fell a bit and your eyes softened. You lowered yourself and caught his lips with yours. It felt so real, you felt so warm above him, and you rubbed his cheek with your thumb before separating from his lips.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you whispered to him, and before he knew it you had leaned down to place a kiss against his forehead. You locked your eyes with him again. “I’ll always be here.”

That’s when his hands crumbled into a fist. It was a lie. You weren’t here with him. You were gone. He couldn’t save you. As anger filled his body your face fell before him, and that pained look was the last thing he saw before you disappeared again. He growled and his eyes shot open with the tension re-entered his body. Vader was back in the present, the real world, and swore he wouldn’t let another empty memory like that cloud his mind again.

You were dead. There was no coming back to him. There was nothing for him to hold on to. He let you go years ago, and that’s how it would stay. As his helmet was put back onto him his hand formed back into a fist, and he could hear the metal of something on the other side of the pod clench with his power.

There was an eerie feeling that passed over your skin, and you paused on your journey back to your hideout. Night had finally fallen on the desolate planet, and you had said your goodbyes to Ben ours before. But as you made your way back to your hideout, something made you pause. The sand you kicked up left a mark on your boots, but you glanced around for an answer. Whatever it was made that sting form behind your eyes, and you rolled your neck a bit as you started your walk again. As you made your way around the corner of one of the alleys, you stopped in your tracks at the sight before you.

You had never seen ones before, though you did hear the stories. But what were a pair of Inquisitors doing so far in the Outer Rim? And here of all places? You slithered back around the corner and pressed your back to the wall. Whatever their business was here, you wanted no part in it. The last thing you needed was to be recognized by anyone. You felt around for the comm link Ben had given you and stared at the familiar piece of tech. With a roll of your eyes, you started back towards the direction of the cantina. All you’d need was a speeder.

“Ben, are you there?” You asked into the piece of metal. You continued past the cantina towards the furthest point of Mos Eisley, until that familiar green blip blinked at you.

“I’m here,” his voice rang out, “is everything alright?”

“I don’t know,” you paused when a couple Stormtroopers passed you, but you offered them a flirty smile and they kept on their way. This would be easy enough, you climbed onto a basic speeder and started to hotwire it, as you spoke lowly again. “There’s Inquisitors here. Figured my best bet would be to avoid them.”

“You would be correct on that,” his voice rang, though it paused when the speeder roared to life, and you hesitated when he didn’t say anything. “I’ll send you my coordinates.”

He cut out but you received his message either way. You gripped the throttle, but something made you pause. You sat back in the seat and reached for something in your pocket, desperate to feel it in this instance. You pulled the all too familiar japor ivory pendant from your pocket and turned it over in your hand. The last thought you had before you sped away from Mos Eisley was that constant voice in the back of your head. A question you couldn’t shake.

When exactly was it going to be the right time?


	2. I Am One With the Force, And the Force is With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aenpir;nvjsifbn; heyyyyy ;3

The Tatooine suns were unbearable. The heat that they produced over the hills of sand felt as if the whole planet was being cooked up on a platter. You hated it. You absolutely hated having to lay on this red toned landspeeder basking under the suns while Ben looked through a pair of binoculars towards the Lars Moisture Farm. He had planted himself and leaned against the front of the landspeeder while you laid on the hood with your arm over your eyes. Your blaster laid beside you and you tapped your angled leg to a soft beat.

This is how you spent the next two years with Ben on certain days of the week. Luke was now five years old, and started to help around the moisture farm, and Ben had grown worried for the child. You tried to reason with him and tell him that he had Skywalker blood in him, but he didn’t seem to think that was funny. That’s how most of your conversations went about the past. And that was not very far. You didn’t mind it though, you weren’t one to exactly reminisce about “the good ole days.”

“How much longer are you planning on spying on the poor kid?” You asked. Ben lowered the binoculars and looked over at your casual appearance.

“You didn’t have to come along you know,” Ben said. You smiled to yourself just knowing that he was once again looking out the binoculars.

“What, you would have walked here by yourself?” You asked, and adjusted yourself a bit against the hot metal. “Need I remind you the Tuskan’s still don’t like you after that meeting with the chief.”

“I can handle them on my own,” Ben threw back at you.

“How? With your Jedi voodoo magic? And have even more Inquisitors in Mos Eisley?” You pushed yourself up by that point and edged forward so your feet hung off the frontend. “I still don’t know what happened at Fortress Inquisitorius, but they’re all on edge now.”

Silence fell between you both and Ben sighed. He positioned himself so he sat next to you on the landspeeder and handed you your binoculars back. You took the heavy tool and rested it in your lap, and looked out towards the tiny moisture farm.

“Whoever has been stirring up trouble with the Empire, it’s gotta be a Jedi.” You said your thought out loud.

“You don’t know that for sure,” Ben said, and you rolled your eyes.

“You don’t think the person blowing up the Empire’s radar and forcing all those Inquisitors out isn’t force sensitive? At all?” You asked. You watched as his face scrunched up a bit and you nodded to yourself. “Thought so.”

Ben had never told you who survived, though you had a couple guesses. He said it was better if you didn’t know in the unlikely case the Empire ever got their hands on you. Still all these years later, he watched out for you. Even though he knew you were capable of watching out for yourself, he still insisted on doing it.

It was hard to get to this point of reconciliation with him, but spending that much time with someone over two years you tend to work out your problems with one another. You often wondered what your life would have been like if Ben hadn’t found you in that cantina two years ago, who would you have been now. You still ran your clan of course, and they had easily accepted your business with Ben (because you said so), but you eased the chip off your shoulder a bit.

You thought about him a lot. Him not being Ben, but the other him. The one, even five years later, you couldn’t bring to name. It was a mixture of fear and of heartache. That certainly didn’t get easier over the five years after the Purge. When the suns set and the moon took its position you found yourself focused on the light in the sky, and the thought of him. Every day without fail he crossed your mind. You often wondered if you crossed his, or if he was that far gone.

You were pulled from your thoughts when Ben put his hand over yours. You blinked and looked from his hand to the concern that littered his face, and you mumbled an apology.

“Sorry, sorry I was just-”

“You don’t have to explain,” he cut you off. Right. Any talk of your former shared companion he just shut off. He took his hand back and stood, and you followed suit.

“Thank gods, I thought we would cook out here,” you tried to joke, though it fell flat. He just rolled his eyes as you hopped into the landspeeder and it roared to life. You elected to ignore the silence that fell over you two as you sped back towards his little house in hiding. Why did he have to pick out here of all places? When you were close to the lonely building you slowed the speed down, and the landspeeder slid to a halt. Ben hopped out of the vehicle and walked around to your side to enter his house, and you leaned your arms over the edge of the door to look at him.

“Are you coming tonight?” You asked. He paused for a moment to look at you before shaking his head.

“No I don’t think I will,” he replied and you sighed with a slight shrug.

“You’re breaking my heart here, Ben,” you replied and he waved you off.

“Goodbye Trace,” he said and then disappeared into his home.

You found yourself staring at the bolted door for a few moments before starting back to Mos Eiseley. Ben had been fairly kind to you over the last two years, but yet every invitation you offered him to join you (and your crew you guess) for drinks and music was always shot down. You always wondered why, but instead of thinking too much of it or letting it get you down you just drank away the pain. Moderately of course.

That was how you pushed down a lot of the memories and feelings that would start to swirl inside of you. Was it a drinking problem?. . To Ben it was, but to you you seemed to have such a strong immunity to it that to the average eyes yes it would look that way. But you were never completely, totally, insanely blasted. Except for one night.

You found yourself in the cantina amongst the drunk and incapacitated, the drink you were currently nourishing was nearly gone. Ras had said goodnight long ago, and you sat there with your thoughts while music was played. You threw your head back with the last amount of liquid and left the bottle there to be picked up and decided it was time to bounce. Sleep was calling you desperately. The door to the cantina moved open and you were met with the cooler Tatooine breeze. You had taken a couple of steps into the sand when a figure in the distance made you stop, and blink in confusion.

The hood. The build. The eyes. It sent a chill down your spine. You could recognize those eyes anywhere. You blinked again and the shadow moved around a building, and you found yourself following. You could feel your heartbeat in your ears thanks to the alcohol, and had to press yourself off walls as you followed the figure through the alleyways. When you finally managed to get around the corner you came face to face with someone you hadn’t seen in years and fell back into the sand in shock.

And then they were gone. Just like that.

You never told Ben about that night, about who and what you saw. You chalked it up to having a little too much alcohol in your system, and left it at that. The mind was a funny thing, so it wasn’t entirely impossible that it was just your imagination. Because there was no way that man would step foot on Tatooine ever again. That’s what made the planet the perfect hiding spot.

That night was the same. You sat in your booth, drink in hand, and the cantina band played snazzy tunes. You watched as Ras danced with a random local and dipped and prodded at her, and the female just giggled at his movements. You sighed and took a sip of your drink and looked around the dusty cantina. You had this strange sensation that there were a pair of eyes on you, but it didn’t feel as if it was just because the place was a little more packed than usual. You nearly jumped out of your skin when a hand was placed on your shoulder, and you unhooked your blaster when you were met with those familiar eyes. You sighed at the sight.

“Gods, Ben, don’t sneak up on me like that,” you mumbled.

He made his way around the booth as you registered a slower song had started to be played. You watched with a raised brow when he offered you his hand, and nodded behind him where others were dancing.

“Care to join me?” He asked. You couldn’t help the smile and chuckle that escaped your lips.

“Seriously?” 

“Seriously,” he confirmed. You sighed a bit but set your drink down and accepted his hand. His grip around your hand tightened a bit and Ben helped you from the booth. He led the way to where the crowd was dancing around one another and you turned to face him. The hand that cupped yours pulled you a bit closer and his other went to your hip. You had to stop yourself from grinning at his oh-so-casual movements, and rested your free hand on his shoulder. And then you both swayed.

“What is this all about?” You nearly whispered. He was close enough to you he could hear you perfectly.

His head jostled a bit to one side and your eyes followed his movement, to a dark figure in the corner of the room. You quickly covered your movements by leaning in closer to the man who held you, so you were pushed into his side more, and could talk in his ear.

“What’s an Inquisitor doing here?” You whispered again, and Ben shook his head gently.

“I was able to pick up something in their comms,” he replied back just as low. “Their fortress on Nur was blown up. Two Jedi. And. .”

He trailed off, and you adjusted yourself to look him on fully. “What?”

“He was there.” Ben said.

You stared at him for a couple moments and he offered you a hurt smile. You adjusted your hand on his shoulder and rested your head in the crook of his neck. You’re not sure how long you stayed like that with him, but Ben held you against him nonetheless. Neither said a word at the fact that he was out there, and so close by at that. Neither wanted to admit that this time together may be coming to an end sooner than they thought.

And for some reason that terrified Ben.

* * *

When this puck came in you weren’t sure you were reading the details correctly. It was a high-level bounty, said to be on the outskirts of the Dune Sea, holed up in an old Republic post. But the warning that came with it is what made you hesitate on accepting the puck from the head of the Guild on Tatooine..

**WARNING: Possible Force-Sensitive. Tread carefully. Highly volatile.**

Why the Guild was given this puck and the Inquisitors didn’t take their chance on this kind of target, you weren’t too sure. But you accepted the puck, and the first person you went to was Ben. You knew that accepting this meant going back into the field, but it was going to be tricky. There was no name, no picture, just a tracker. When you shut the speeder off and jumped over the edge to the ground, you could see Ben make his way over to the door, and it slid open. You pulled the helmet you wore off and held it to your hip, and wordlessly passed him into his house.

Ben raised a brow to himself as you passed him but pressed a button on the side and the door slid shut behind him. You had settled yourself onto a seat and Ben moved past you to the small kitchenette area before he cleared his throat.

“Would you like some water?” He asked you. You gave a shake of your head that he saw when he casted a glance over his shoulder at you.

“I’m not staying long,” you commented. Ben nodded a bit and turned back to face you while crossing his arms.

“Is something bothering you?”

“No..” You trailed off and met his dissatisfied look. “Okay, maybe.”

Ben took a step closer when you pulled something from your pocket, and he immediately recognized it as a puck. You tossed it his way and he easily caught it, and flipped it on and read over the details. As soon as he got to the hazardous red lettering, his eyes shifted over to you.

“You can’t-”

“I have to,” you cut him off. Ben shook his head and turned the puck off, huffing in irritation.

“This has ‘bad idea’ written all over it!” Ben yelled. You looked up in surprise at his sudden outburst. His eyes were narrowed, and his hand gripped the puck while his stare bore into you. You scoffed a bit and stood, motioning between the two of you.

“If I don’t go then I’m sending my guys in completely  _ blindsided _ ! How can you justify that?” You asked. Ben took a step forward, and you could see the frustration clearly written over his face.

“Why did you come here anyway?! To seek permission? For me to tell you, “Yes go ahead and take this  _ Imperial  _ bounty that will get you wrapped up in  _ Imperial  _ business!” Is that what you wanted?!” Ben continued to yell, each step he took forward you shifted your eyes over his body, taking in the anger that rested in his shoulders, his clenched hands, and the worry in his eyes. His body towered over yours and you shook your head at him.

“I wanted you to tell me that everything was going to be alright!” You admitted, shoving your helmet into his chest. Ben’s body didn’t budge, but his gaze on you did soften. You offered a sad smile and Ben sighed, placing his hand on your shoulder, and brought you into him.

Your arms wrapped around him in an embrace, though the helmet you held in one hand made it a bit difficult. It still was comforting to feel him gently rub at your back, as your head rested upon his chest. Hearing his heartbeat in a calm rhythm helped ease your mind, but you were still nervous. After a few moments you cleared your throat and unwrapped yourself from his embrace, Ben took a quick step back and rubbed the back of his neck a bit. You held your helmet on your hip and held your hand out.

“I can uh, take that back,” you said. Ben nodded and placed the device back into your palm. You tossed it into the air and caught it, and gave him a nod as you slid it back into your pocket. Though you gave him a smile before backing up towards the door, Ben could still feel your hesitation. Your fear. Ben followed your steps out into the blazing sunlight, and watched as you hopped back into your speeder and he took a step closer.

“Everything’s going to be alright,” Ben said. His words made you look over at him, and gave him a quick smile before putting your signature helmet back on.

“My plans always go smoothly,” your now modulated voice said to him. Ben gaped a bit, a grin forming over his face.

“My plans always worked,” Ben said while you shook your head, starting the speeder up.

“You and I remember that very differently.”

“It appears so,” Ben smiled. He took a step back from your speeder and you gave him a short nod.

“I’ll see you in a few days.”

Ben hesitated to say something. You knew it, you saw his mouth open and close, and you knew what he was wishing on you. But you didn’t linger to hear the words, instead you flipped the speeder on and disappeared into the horizon. Ben watched, and he mumbled the words o himself instead, hoping in some way you could hear him

_ May the Force be with you. _

* * *

“Is everybody clear on the plan?”

There were nods all around you to your question. Three other members were along for the ride, including Ras, Chorda, and Lysa. You motioned for them to disperse, and watched as each bounty hunter disappeared towards the building. They were up top while you took the more direct approach into the building. If this was who you thought it was, then you could face them head on with your own plan.

Did you have any intentions on bringing the likely Jedi in? No, of course not. You stood  _ zero _ chance against the lightsaber wielding person in. Especially if this was one of the rumored ones that dealt that blow to the Empire at Fortress Inquisitorius. If this was them, there was a second one somewhere too. So while your team was above, maybe you could reason with the Jedi down below. You pulled the puck out from your belt and turned it on, a red light blinked almost immediately, and you started inside.

Being inside this place made old feelings stir up within you. It was  _ very _ Republic-esque. Metal walls occasionally painted in that crimson red, there were even carrier ships still in here. You were surprised they weren’t picked up and sent to Bracca as scrap metal. You weaved along the wall, the blinking growing stronger until you heard footsteps coming from one of the other hallways. You quickly shoved the puck into your belt and readied your blaster rifle, listening closely.

The rushed footsteps came to a stop, and you carefully peered around the edge of the box. Your eyes met the back of a man, fairly young from what you could make out in your helmet, with fiery red hair. He kneeled down to talk to a little droid, which seemed to be analyzing something on one of the Republic carrier ships. With a hitched breath, and careful fox-like steps, you rounded around the wall of crates, your blaster rested in the nook of your shoulder. You watched as the man stood slowly, by now feeling your presence in the air, and he slowly turned to you.

He was young. Younger than you for sure, and you noted the lightsaber that hung on his hip. He was a Jedi,  _ the  _ Jedi really. You stopped in your place, the two of your just staring at one another. The little droid that was by his side now hopped onto his back, and you rubbed your finger over the rifle in your hand, not taking it off him.

“Who are you?” He asked first. You tilted your head a bit to get a better look at his hands. If he was “highly volatile” you didn’t see it. Maybe he could sense you weren’t there to harm him.

“Just a bounty hunter,” your monotone voice answered. “Gotta say, for someone who just took out a hefty chunk of Fortress Inquisitorius, you aren’t covering your tracks well.”

You could see him shift a bit. You must have hit a nerve. “How do you know about Nur? Or if it was even me?”

“Influx of Inquisitors, Empire frequency lighting up with reports of it, one could only assume,” you said. “And you’re carrying a lightsaber, that’s a dead giveaway. Don’t see those anymore.”

A partial truth. You happened upon Ben’s and.. Nevermind.

He looked at his hip for a moment before looking back at you. You loosened your grip a bit, taking in a bit more of him. He must’ve been but a child when the Purge happened. A Padawan. Probably one of the few Padawan’s to live from that event. If he could sense your hesitation, he showed no emotion of it. And if there was a second Jedi he was with, then you had to let him go. Quick.

“So you’re trying to collect my bounty?” He asked. Your eyes darted up to the rails that lined the second level of the building. You looked back at him and shifted your weight.

“No,” you answered honestly. “I’m just making it look like I am.”

His face fell in confusion. “What-”

His words were cut off short when an explosion happened near what used to be the bay doors. Smoke engulfed the air and the ground shook with force, and your eyes immediately went to the upper levels, and your people were picking themselves up from the ground. Blaster fire began to rain into the building, white bodies of armour behind them, pushing in. The unnamed Jedi sprang to life his lightsaber, deflecting blast after blast that came his way, but your eyes went to the side, another dark clothed figure coming into view.

You recognized him, he was known as the Sixth Brother.

A pressure formed over your throat and you gasped, being lifted off the ground just by a few inches. You dropped your rifle, which garnered the attention of the Jedi, but you were pulled towards the darkly covered Sixth Brother until the hand that Force held you, gripped your neck on it’s own. Your hands went around his wrists in an attempt to pry it off, but it was no use. He peered at you under his visor, and you could see his hand reach down below.

“You have betrayed the Empire,” his low voice said. “I’ll dispose of you like the trash you are, bounty hunter.”

The familia sound of a lightsaber igniting filled the air, and before you, or the other Jedi could react, you felt the hot blade cut into you. You and your body were unsure how to react, did you cry out? Gasp? Nothing left your lungs except air, even when he retracted the blade and tossed you to the side. Just like trash.

You hit the ground and you rolled onto your back, almost perfectly placed behind some crates. The blaster fire began to simmer down, no doubt to the Jedi’s efforts as well as your men, but you heard a whir up above. Fighting to stay awake, you followed the sound with your eyes and watched a probe droid fly up above. You painstakingly reached down to the blaster pistol that always hung on your leg, and un-holstered it and pulled it up into the air, taking a shot at the droid before it could fire on the dueling Jedi. Your arms fell back to the ground, your blaster going somewhere else, and you practically tore your helmet off your head, tossing it to the side.

You stared up at the ceiling when someone came into your line of sight. Ras slid to your side and tried to pick you up, but you winced. “Stop, stop.”

He stopped, holding you there for a moment and you clutched onto his arm, he looked you over and mumbled something in his native dialect. “What do I do?”

“You leave,” you didn’t even hesitate with your command. “Leave, and get the others out of here. They’ll believe I came alone.”

Ras shook his head. He was always so concerned with respect and honor, and you knew what you were asking of him was probably too much. “No, I-I can’t. We don’t leave one another behind-”

“You have to this time,” you cut him off. He looked down at you sadly, but you gave a reassuring smile (as best as you could). “You’ve listened to me all these years, don’t stop now.. It’s the only way.”

Ras thought your words over, and you released your grip on him. He set your head gently back on the ground and stood carefully, avoiding the sight of the Inquisitor dueling the Jedi, and you watched as much as you could while he scurried off. Off the freedom. You averted your gaze back up to the ceiling, and let out a light chuckle.

“Bet you didn’t think it’d end like this,” you mumbled out loud. Not just to yourself, but to the ones always listening, always watching. The hand that held your injured side slid off to the ground. There was no point in fighting this. You knew what damage was done. You smiled to yourself, your eyes fluttering with each blink you took. “At least.. Well at least I can see him again soon..”

Anakin. Anakin’s image filled your mind, like he was right there with you again. Like that one night on Coruscant, when you took the shot for Sidious (the ruse it was still angered you when you would see the scar). Tears filled your eyes as the ghostly sight of him, asking you to stay down, to hold on. Your hand tried to grip onto something like it was his hand, or the robes that had always adorned him. You mumbled out loud, the words started fairly strong then dwindled to nothing as your eyes fluttered shut, never forgetting that image of him. The Anakin you knew that would be waiting for you. The Anakin that you knew would be there to take you into his arms, when the darkness overcame you.. And slowly it did. 

* * *

_ I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me. _

Vader’s eyes shot open inside of his meditation pod, a searing pain shot through his torso that surprised him. The white walls he knew that surrounded him was replaced with a light lit grand room, the kind he had once seen in his past life. The walls were decorated with beautiful artwork and engravings in the walls, and Vader was confused, and most importantly he was a bit startled. And Vader was  _ not _ one to startle easily.

This room in particular he had never been in, but he knew it to be on Naboo. The light breeze that came in from the open terrace, the design work, he remembered it from long ago when his former self spent time here with a certain Senator. But this was no memory. Not one he could recall of the slain Jedi’s past. Vader sat upright, and his eyes looked over his surroundings, no visor to hold him back. Almost like the vision he had every so often, and dare he say, he welcomed these moments.

Vader threw the blankets from his body, and looked over himself. He was mostly man again, with the exception of his hand that was taken back when the Clone Wars first started. He couldn’t help but run his hand over the soft skin of his own chest, before he tossed his own logs over the side of the bed, and stood. He didn’t wobble, he didn’t falter, Vader instead was able to carry himself over to the open doors where the breeze came in from. He knew what awaited him out there.

When he stepped outside into the moonlight, the sight before him made his chest grow heavy. Vader was able to ignore the pain in his abdomen the more steps he took closer to the figure, only focused on that. The other person shifted slightly, and glanced over their shoulder at him and smiled at him. The only smile Vader had cared about all these years later.

“Ani,” they greeted. Vader didn’t flinch at the use of that name anymore, he had grown accustomed to it in these moments. Because that’s what you called him. That’s how you would remember him. As Anakin Skywalker. Your Ani. You held your hand out for him, and Vader took it. Your hand felt so real in his, your fingers still laced with his in a perfectly knitted way. Soft and warm, just like he remembered. Vader joined your side and you looked back out to the distance. “It’s so beautiful here, Ani.”

“It is,” Vader said, in his old voice. He didn’t look out to the distance like you did, he just focused on you. It amazed him how much of your face he could still remember. But then again, he spent a lot of his time thinking of you, even five years later. You filled his thoughts so often, it was like you were still with him. Still out there. You saw his lingering look and giggled lightly, and he felt a smile break over his own face.

“Always the romantic,” you mused. You turned to face him, your hand leaving his as they ran over his own skin. Your fingers trailed up his arms, over his chest, and up past his shoulders. Vader could’ve sworn he felt goosebumps erupt over him, and his hands instinctively went to your waist, each of you working to move closer to one another. He felt one of your hands run into his hair, and he breathed in the cool air deeply, his eyes fluttering shut at the sensation, at the peacefulness of this moment. “Ani?”

“Yes my love,” he answered immediately. His eyes reopened to meet your gaze, but you frowned at him. Your whole expression had changed. Your face looked ghostly, your eyes lingered with tears, and Vader could feel your grip loosen on him. His arms engulfed your waist as your legs seemed to give out, like you were falling to the ground. He shook his head, carefully following you to the ground, never letting go of you. Your eyes searched his, your tears began to flow down your cheeks, and Vader frantically placed one of his hands on your cheek. “No, no, no, please don’t go. Please don’t leave me again.”

Another tear slid down your cheek, when your eyes looked past him, back to the night sky. Your hands fell from holding him, and Vader could now see the dark hole in your body. Right where he felt his own pain. But what Vader couldn’t figure out was why, as this was.. It was a lightsaber burn. Vader rubbed at your cheek, and watched as your lips parted to mumble words, before your eyes fluttered shut.

_ I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me. _


	3. Don't Say I Told You So

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who reached out and offered encouragement and understanding. it's been a month now since losing her and I still feel that hollowness, but it's getting better (not a lot, but a bit better.) So I wanted to share what I had ready for you guys.
> 
> xoxo  
> caitlyn

Darth Vader stared out the window that shielded him from the hot steamy lava covered planet of Mustafar. His even mechanical breaths filled the empty room he was in. Vader had escaped to seek solitude in what was known as Fortress Vader, on the recluse planet he destroyed his former self. He watched as a ship pulled in from above, and disappeared behind him. Steady, Vader peeled himself from staring out the window, down some steps, to make his way to meet his guest.

Vader had retreated to this place after the events of Tatooine, in search of his own solitude. It had only been a few days, but when he received word of the Sixth Brother’s failed attempt on retrieving the Jedi he was.. Angry. Disappointed. The Sixth Brother had failed, and he would be dealing with him accordingly. He had also come to collect himself before coming face to face with said Inquisitor. Vader felt the need to be on his own, away from his Star Destroyer and from the beck and call of his Master, to try and figure out what he had felt.

From his memory, which was always correct, he did not remember you showing any hint of a wound from the ill-fated Sith apprentice known as Dash. Given the connection you two had shared at the time, he would have felt it to. Even before his former self was wiped from the galaxy, Vader would have felt that. So why now? Why was this detail being shown to him? In the few days that passed, he wasn’t able to figure it out. And he couldn’t keep wondering about your fate anymore.

The Sixth Brother approached him and kneeled before Vader, head bowed in respect but also shame. Vader stared down at the man, the only sound that filled the room was mechanical breathing. Other than that, the silence was invigorating to him.

“You assured me you would be able to capture the young Jedi with ease,” Vader spoke. His voice, like his breathing, sounded automatic and emotionless. The Sixth Brother looked up from the ground, his eyes hidden behind the visor he always wore.

“My Lord,” he began. Vader watched as the Inquisitor stood before him, still small in size compared to his grand stature. “There were.. Complications.”

“Complications should be cleared easily for _my_ Inquisitors,” Vader countered. His voice, though it was autonomous, showed irritation. “Need I remind you what came of the Second Sister?”

“No, my liege,” he answered. Vader studied him, and began to walk around the statue-esque Sith.

“What happened on Tatooine,” Vader questioned. The Inquisitor stared dead ahead as the Sith Lord circled him. Vader though, felt no hesitation, or fear around the other man.

“There was a bounty hunter, contracted by the Empire,” he started. Vader listened intently as his boot echoed around the empty walls of the fortress. “They were able to draw the Jedi out, like we had hoped, but they did not finish the job. They were going to let him go.”

Vader paused in his tracks and looked over at the man. “Did you dispose of this bounty hunter?”

“Yes, my Lord,” he replied.

“And what occurred between you and the Jedi?” Vader asked.

“A second one came. The woman. The Master. They bested me, my Lord..”

Vader thought over his words, his breathing hissing and purring in even breaths. Behind the helmet, his eyes searched over the Inquisitor before him. Vader looked back to where he came from and took a few steps away from the room.

“I expect you to complete your mission next time,” Vader said. He came to a pause to cast a glance over his shoulder. “Failure to do so will result in a similar fate as your fallen Sister.”

* * *

The cool and clean breeze that trickled over your skin was the first sensation that brought you forth. Your eyes fluttered open and it seemed as if you laid in a meadow. Slowly, through the pain that still lingered among your body, you pushed yourself up to your elbows, then successfully to your hands. Sat upright, you glared against the sun that beamed down on you, and you drank in your surroundings.

You knew you had never been here, but you recognized it as Naboo. You had done a bit of reading as a child, and always dreamt about seeing something other than khaki sand, something green and lush. It felt like there were water droplets in the air to match the cooling breeze, and you couldn’t help but smile. If this was the afterlife, you were glad it was here and not another sand covered planet. You slowly pushed yourself up until you stood, and spun slowly to get a bearing of your surroundings, when you came face to face with yourself, and you jumped a bit.

“Stars,” you sighed. The familiar figure just watched you and you grumbled a bit. “I thought in the afterlife I would get rid of you.”

“This isn’t the afterlife,” your voice said back, from their mouth. You stopped your movements and raised a brow.

“What do you mean? I was stabbed by a lightsaber. There’s no coming back from that.”

“They are working on that as we speak,” they said. You shook your head.

“They? Who’s they?”

“The Jedi you met,” they answered. “It is time.”

You stared at them in disbelief, until they reached out for your hand. You shuffled your feet a bit and shook your head before you looked around you. “No.. No I’m supposed to be here.. I’m supposed to be seeing him.”

“You will see him, but not here. Not as you remember him,” they said. “It is time.”

Their repeated phrase made you look back at them. Your face looked at you with no emotion, though you knew you had dread on your own. You were tired. You didn’t want to fight anymore. But you glanced between the hand held out for you, and your own face, and knew deep down that it was time. It was time to get Anakin Skywalker back. You slowly outstretched your hand to grab theirs, and the cool breeze faded away in a snap.

You gasped, your eyes shooting open once more but not met with the same relaxing gestures as before. The searing pain that filled your body was hot and unbearable, and you could feel sweat on your skin. You laid on your back on a medical table, metal walls surrounded you as well as pairs of eyes. You attempted to push yourself up to at least your elbows, but someone came forward.

“You should stay down,” they said. Your eyes darted over to them and locked eyes with the Jedi from before. You glanced over him quickly, but settled your head back against the table in a light thud.

“Where am I,” your raspy voice asked. The Jedi glanced behind him to someone before coming to your bedside, placing his hands on the edge of the medical table.

“You’re aboard our ship, The Mantis.”

“ _Where_ ,” you repeated. “Where are we?”

“Still on Tatooine,” he answered. You grumbled, staring up at the ceiling and slowly dragged your fingers up to the gash. It was nearly healed and you looked his way again.

“How did you..?”

“That would be Merrin’s doing,” he answered immediately. He motioned behind him and your eyes fell on another woman. She had snow like skin and silver eyes, and she offered an awkward wave. You grimaced one back before looking back to the Jedi. “It’s not healed completely, but it was a start.”

“I can manage,” you mumbled. You figured if you could get back to Ben, maybe he could help you. But a thought crossed your mind and you locked eyes with the Jedi once more. “Why would you help me?”

“Because we have questions of our own,” another voice chimed in. Behind the Jedi another woman stepped forward, she was probably older than you, a stern look over her face and arms crossed before her. You were suddenly aware of the fact you could feel her Force signature, and it was cautious. 

“Cere-”

“Cal,” she warned back. The newly named Cal stifled a sigh and stepped to the side so Cere could come forward. “We want to know how you’ve managed to hide for so long under Inquisitor watch.. As a Jedi yourself.”

You had never truly been referred to as a Jedi besides by the Council, and Ben long ago. Your hesitation made Cal steal a glance at Cere and you slowly pushed yourself up to your elbows. You ignored the pain and the hand that offered you help from Cal, and pushed up to your hands until you could swing your legs off the edge. “I’m not a Jedi.”

“That’s.. Not what I saw,” Cal said. You looked over at him and looked him up and down.

“You can see events through the Force,” you stated more so than asked. Cal nodded and you let out a little humph. “That’s quite a gift to have. But like I said, I’m not a Jedi.”

“You served beside Obi-Wan Kenobi, and his padawan,” Cal argued. “I saw it. You went through some of the trials and had your own battalion.”

“The Council decided that fate for me,” you said. “But trust me when I say I was no Jedi.”

“Then what are you?” Cere asked, jumping into your conversation. You gave her a sarcastic smile.

“Just a bounty hunter, and nearly dead at that,” you sighed. You pushed yourself up off the table and you couldn’t help but sway a bit. Cal tried to grab your arm to help steady yourself, but you shooed him away. “I.. I gotta get back. I’m not whatever you’re looking for.”

You tried to take a step forward but Cere stepped in your way. Your eyes locked with one another and you couldn’t help the scowl that fell over your face. She seemed to match your look, and Cal stepped beside both of you, trying to mediate.

“I remember the rumours, the talks about you,” she said. You felt your hand grip by your side, if either of them noticed, they didn’t seem to pay you any mind. “The Council believed you were to put an end to the war, work hand and hand with the Chosen One.”

“The Council was wrong,” you said quickly. “They were fed a lie by Palpatine.”

“The Council was never wrong-”

“They weren’t?” You nearly shouted. “So they knowingly let a Sith Lord sit as the head of the Senate? They allowed the Kaminoans to place chips in the Clones to initiate the Purge? They outcasted some of their greatest Jedi because it was the right thing, and not misunderstandings?”

When no answer was given you nodded a bit to yourself. “The Council believed they were doing the right thing. There’s no fault in that.. But they weren’t perfect. To stand there and believe that is one of the reasons why they fell.”

You took a step around her and Cal, and Merrin moved out of your way. You reached the door and grabbed it to steady yourself. Spots filled your vision, and you could hear shuffles of feet behind you.

“You aren’t in a condition to travel by yourself,” Cal insisted. “Let us help you. Like you helped me.”

You couldn’t help but laugh a bit. “I didn’t help much, you still had to face off the Sixth Brother.”

“The probe droid,” he said. “If you didn’t the Empire-”

“What happened to the Inquisitor?”

He fell silent. Cere stood behind him with crossed arms once again and she shifted her weight from one leg to another. “He managed to get away.”

“Then you can be rest assured that the Empire knows you’re still here.. Which means you need to go, don’t worry about me.”

You eased yourself off the wall and stumbled, Cal catching onto you quickly. Spots and blurred lines came before you, and the young Jedi looked to his companions. You needed help, and fast.

* * *

The sound of a whirring engine made Ben freeze in his place in the kitchenette. It wasn’t familiar, and he looked over his shoulder at the door. He edged himself along to the box that carried the weapon he long stored away, and grasped the familiar hilt when the sound of the ship's engines began to die down. He edged towards the door, hitching the weapon onto his hip, and peeled back the thin curtain to gaze out the window. He watched as a blue and silver ship’s ramp extended out, and two figures came down the ramp. When they came into the sunlight Ben’s stomach flipped, because it was really one person nearly carrying the other.

You.

Ben pressed the button that pulled his door open and the figure stopped at the bottom of the ramp. Ben entered the sunshine when another figure came down the ramp too, staring at him in near awe, but he was only focused on the hunched over body. He nearly raced forward as he came before you, who seemed to stir at the sound of his feet. You looked up to meet his gaze, and were entranced with him.

“Ben-” you strained, reaching out for him. Ben caught you effortlessly, his arm engulfing your side and the free hand cupped your face. He looked down to see that gash in your side, and looked over at the two who stared at him in confusion.

“What happened?” Ben asked. Ben looked between the two when his eyes landed on the woman. She met him with soft and sad eyes, and he recognized her from that past life they shared. 

Cere Junda took a step forward, truly in awe of the man before her. “The Sixth Brother, he followed her to the outpost. When she didn’t follow through with it he ambushed them.”

“I see,” he said. Ben tore his gaze from her and looked over you once more. “I’ll get her inside, but you need to cloak that ship. The Empire will still be searching for you.”

“The, uh,” the younger one said. He cleared his throat which made Ben stop in his tracks and look back at him. That’s when he noticed the lightsaber that hung on his hip. “The ship doesn’t cloak.”

“I have something you can use then,” Ben reassured him. He nodded back to his hut, and they followed him back to his home. When Ben entered he held you to his side as he rummaged through a box. He pulled out a small device and tossed it towards the young boy, who caught it effortlessly. He looked it over as Ben edged you towards the stairs that led down to where he slept, and stopped when the boy didn’t move.

“You need to use that and cloak your ship,” Ben said. “Then.. Then everyone come inside.”

“Y-Yes sir,” the boy timidly replied. Ben watched him disappear back into the sunlight, and refocused his attention on you. Your head was slung over onto his shoulder, he could feel the ragged short breaths you were taking, and he eased you down the steps slowly, until you both were leveled on the next floor, and he was able to set you onto the bed he slept in. Ben picked up your legs and laid them on the not so soft covers, before he looked back to your face, and slowly reached out to cup your cheek. You stirred against his touch, your lashes fluttered open and met his gaze and it took a moment before you seemed to recognize where you were.

“Don’t.. Don’t say I told you so,” you managed quietly. Ben couldn’t help but smile at your sentiment, and you seemed to grin back. He glanced towards the stairs when he heard hushed voices and the sound of his own door sliding shut closed, before he looked down to your torso, seeing the slightly healed body. Carefully, he moved the fabric of your clothing to get a better look at the damage done, and you winced at his touch.

“The Inquisitor got you pretty bad,” Ben whispered. He glanced back at your eyes which had fallen shut again, but you nodded a bit in response.

“I’m.. Well pretty sure I died there for a bit,” you answered. Ben’s brow furrowed and you laughed a bit to yourself. “They have a.. Nightsister with them. She did.. The best she could.”

Ben looked back to the stairs in shock, thankfully with your closed eyes you didn’t see that. He swallowed the lump he didn’t realize had formed in the back of his throat, and he looked back to you, gently squeezing your hand as he rose. “I’ll be right back.”

“Mmm,” you answered. Ben watched as your head fell to the side, and your chest rose and fell in the same ragged pattern. He climbed up the stairs and the hushed voices grew louder, only to stop completely when he stood before them.

Ben looked over each of them, the Latero, the Nightsister, and the two Jedi before him. He recognized Cere, though they never served with one another he had seen her in the Temple from time to time. But from his memory, that was not the Padawan she had chosen so long ago. He was younger, more than likely a mere youngling when the Purge happened, and he looked at Ben like he was looking at a ghost.

“You’re.. You’re Obi-Wan Kenobi,” the young boy said. Ben inhaled sharply and let out a sigh before he nodded his head.

“I haven’t gone by that name in a long time,” he answered. The boy smiled for a moment, before he looked back at the stairs Ben had climbed up. “What’s your name?”

“Cal Kestis,” he replied. Ben nodded and shifted the weight between his feet, looking over the group.

“I’m going to need your help,” Ben started. “Both of your help.. But thank you,” he nodded to the Nightsister. “Thank you for what you’ve done so far.”

“It was my pleasure,” the Nightsister answered. Ben nodded at the two Jedi, and motioned for them down the stairs. Cere was the first to move, and her willingness shocked Cal a bit given the exchange you both had had earlier, but he followed her as Ben came behind them both. Once in the small room, Ben moved around them until he kneeled before you once again, placing his hand over your cheek and his thumb graced your skin. You stirred under his touch, again pulling your eyes open to meet his gaze, and smiled a bit.

“Do you remember long ago, when we would meditate,” Ben whispered. You nodded against his touch, and he smiled a bit. “You, me and--”

“--Anakin.”

Ben gulped at the name, but he nodded along with you. “.. _Yes_. With Anakin. Do you remember how we told you to relax, and let the Force flow through you?”

“Mm,” you answered once more. Ben looked to the two Jedi behind him and nodded, and they slowly kneeled down behind him and carefully placed their hands on his shoulders. He focused back on you and stroked your cheek one more time before cupping your face more steady.

“Remember that for us,” he said. “For me.”

* * *

There was a disturbance in the Force.

It was the kind of disturbance that Vader had only felt once before, a long time ago. But it was such a familiar warmth that trickled over what was left of his body, that he wouldn’t have missed it. He stood in the same spot that overlooked the planet, and he froze. He could feel a shift in the air, like a crack of calm happened behind him. Slowly he turned to peer over his shoulder, but the sight before him made Vader turn completely around.

It was such an unfamiliar place. A hill covered in short grass laid before him, it was unlike Naboo or any other planet he had come across. But he could feel the Force radiating through the ground, even with his changed body and connection, he could feel it nearly pulsating through him. A figure stood on the top of the hill, and Vader cautiously approached. Each step up he felt the vibrations in him quicken, and when he came up behind the hooded figure it stirred and looked back at him and he could feel the air knock out from him

“I needed air,” you said. The words danced in his mind and Vader remembered the exchange it came from. When he blinked under his helmet, the scene had changed. It was cool and dark, the only lights were now scattered over the planet of Coruscant. He took a deep breath, filling his own lungs with clean air (or as clean as Coruscant air could be). Vader came up to your side, the same blue dress scattered down and grazed his own boots. He wanted so badly to reach out and graze his fingers against your exposed skin.

“I could feel your anxiety grow each minute,” he said. Vader remembered every word he spoke to you that night, and watched as you timidly tapped at the railing before you. But unlike before he never took his eyes off of you. “You look beautiful.”

You giggled, and tried to hide the glow under your cheeks. “You look beautiful too, Ani”

Vader liften his mechanical arm up, and traced his fingers over the soft skin of your exposed shoulders and to your neck. He could see you noticeably shake a bit at his touch, goosebumps forming where he lingered. “Why have you been running rampant in my thoughts, my love?”

Your face contorted in confusion as Vader fanned his grip on the back of your neck. “I don’t understand-”

He gripped into your skin, your false skin, and turned you fully to face him. Confusion was replaced with fear on your face, and Vader narrowed his eyes. “What kind of trickery is this? Who _are_ you?”

As you searched his face, your fear quickly left and was replaced with an emotionless stare, but your lips had turned up into a sly smile. He knew it, this whole time he was being tricked. Vader was sure to get to the bottom of it. “We thought these memories would soften your mood, but we should’ve known better. Let go of me.”

“Who is ‘we’? And _what_ is this place?” Vader asked. You glare narrowed at him, and your hand reached up to grab a hold of his arm. He wasn’t prepared to feel completely frozen in place as you peeled his grip from you, and you were sure to hold his stare.

“You’ll come to find that in this place that we are the most powerful, Anakin Skywalker.”

“Don’t you dare call me that,” Vader nearly growled. You smirked, moving around him and his arm suspended in the air. As much as he fought to move, he was truly stuck and anger began to boil within him.

“We chose this form because we know it brings you peace and comfort,” they said. Your voice travelled into his ears and Vader shut his eyes tightly to block it out.

“There you go with the we again,” he snarled. Though he couldn’t see it he heard you (them?) turn to face his back. Suddenly, he was free to move. As he looked over his body and spun to face the culprit, he knew he was looking at them in a glare.

“This place is not familiar to you.. But you have been here once before, in the mind of another. But you and your Master had to be removed.. But now it’s time you learn of us. Of this place.”

“What could this possibly offer me,” Vader said smugly. “I’m the most powerful man in the galaxy.”

You scoffed at the comment, and moved back towards the doors that led to the old Senate building. “Your ignorance is astounding, Anakin Skywalker.”

You seemed to pause, the door ajar before you, but Vader couldn’t see much past you, just a white light. The person who took on your appearance looked back at him before they spoke once more.

_“It’s time to bring balance to the galaxy.”_


	4. A Secret He Can Carry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one is a little shorter im still getting back into the swing of things BUT this part has a lot of important information :)

There was one thing that Ben seemed to have lost after the Purge, and that was his patience. In the years since he had been on this desert covered planet, he had never been as impatient as he was at this very moment. No amount of meditating was helping to clear his mind, inevitably he would find himself back by the side of the unconscious woman who had taken over his own bed.

It had been four days now since the former Jedi, and the two runaways, had delved into your mind and healed your wounds. Ben didn’t know how he did it, but when you didn’t wake up soon after he spent more and more time trying to reconnect with you when he was allowed time away from the others who now hid out in their ship outside. That was where he was now, seated on a stool next to your side, gently rubbing his thumb over the top of your hand.

Ben had never been one to show such… Admiration. Not since Satine, at least. And even then when he grew older and more involved in the Jedi ways, he never openly embraced her in the way he has with you. Deep down something was saying he shouldn’t be clinging onto you like this, but another part of him didn’t care. And that was the feeling that was stronger in this instance.

Ben inhaled deeply, eyes fluttering shut as he could feel your pulse against your wrist he held onto so dearly. His breaths soon matched yours as he dived into your mind again, seeking an answer he hadn’t yet gotten. The familiar darkness swallowed him again, but it wasn’t the raging darkness he had once seen in his Padawan, no this one was calm. This was just you resting. But from what he knew, what you had shared with him over the years, there was another here. More maybe, but he knew someone (or something) was helping you regain your strength. They may have healed you physically, but something was keeping you here to heal you mentally. Maybe even be helping you heal your connection. That was all Ben wanted to know. Were you going to be okay?

“She’ll be fine,” a voice said behind him. Ben’s eyes opened, met with an overwhelming amount of sunshine he wasn’t prepared for. Grass covered the ground he stood on, and a figure moved around him to stand before him. Their hood was lowered and Ben was met with an unfamiliar face. They offered him a smile, and latched their fingers together. “It is good to see you, Obi-Wan.”

“I’m afraid we haven’t met,” Ben said. The figure nodded, taking a small step forward.

“Not formally, no. But we know you fairly well.”

“We?” Ben asked. The figure nodded and Ben glanced behind them, as if looking for another person.

“We, though it’s just me in this form,” they explained. Ben nodded a bit and took another glance around. 

“I’ve been here before, haven’t I?”

“You and your Padawan, yes. In one way or another,” they said. “You have questions. We wanted to help ease your mind.”

“Who exactly is this we?” Ben first asked. The figure came to his side, and together, began to walk beside one another.

“We are, how you would say, guardians of the Force. Here we do not believe in the good or evil, we believe in the natural balance.”

Ben nodded along when they finished their explanation, but he couldn’t help but raise a brow. “If you believe in the natural balance, then why were the Jedi allowed to fall?”

“We didn’t want it to happen, Obi-Wan,” they said. They paused for a moment, and Ben looked back to meet their eyes, which had looked almost remorseful. “We are sorry you and the other Jedi had to experience such loss. We are bound to this existence, we tried to intervene, but-“

“Intervene how?” Ben asked almost abruptly. “Pardon my expression, but hundreds of souls were lost.  _ Good  _ and kind souls. Good men were created and used as pawns for a Sith Lord.”

The figure did not reply back right away. They seemed to glance over their shoulder as if to seek permission from another who wasn’t there. They looked back to him and offered a nod. “Did you ever learn how Skywalker was brought into existence?”

That was an odd question. Ben couldn’t help but glance over the figure before they started to walk again, and Ben sighed and followed. “My Master believed him to be born from the Force.”

“Your Master was both right and wrong. Are you familiar with Darth Plagueis?”

Ben wanted to scoff. He had heard of the Sith Lord from his Master before he himself became a Master. The Jedi had felt his fall during the early months of training his Padawan. They thought the Sith were done for good. How blind they were back then. “He was the Sith Lord before Palpatine.”

“He was his Master,” the figure corrected. “Plagueis had a unique gift, one that we knew would lead to his demise. He could manipulate midi-chlorians to create and manipulate life. He further learned how to transfer his own consciousness to another. He had found a way to life for eternity.. Something he passed along to his Padawan.”

“They learned how to create life?”

“Indeed,” they answered. Ben looked down to his feet, as if already knowing what was going to be said to him next. “Sidious tried this tactic once. Unknowingly, he created a life. He had impregnated a slave on Tatooine unknowingly, and thus led to the virgin birth of Anakin Skywalker. Once he learned of the boy's existence, he killed his Master.”

“And thus he began to groom him,” Ben spoke out loud. The figure nodded by his side. “He planned from the beginning to have Anakin as his Padawan.”

“To complete the Rule of Two, yes,” the figure acknowledged.

“So if you knew of this occurrence, how did you intervene?” Ben asked. The figure came to another stop just before him, and turned to face him fully.

“When we learned of what Sidious had done, learned of the life he created.. We looked to the future, we saw what would unfold if we did not intervene-“

“You saw the future and yet so many were slaughtered,” Ben interrupted. The figure pursed their mouth, but let him continue. “What was your intervention anyway?”

“Impatience does not suit you, Obi-Wan,” they told him. Ben wanted to roll his eyes, but he instead crossed his arms. “Skywalker was destined to fall. His love and his lack of faith was the root of his problems. He believed he’d lose everything, and in his actions he did so. We saw nearly two decades of the Empire’s reign, of the Sith rule.. We could not allow it to happen. Sidious created a life.. So we did as well.”

He didn’t answer right away. Ben watched as the scenery around him changed, ash now crunched under his boots and there was a farm in the distance. He could hear the shrill scream of a child in the distance, and he took a couple steps forward almost automatically. He stopped in his tracks when he watched a young girl run around the corner, wind whipping through her hair and not far behind came a racing father. The child was whisked into the air and the shrill cries turned into bouts of laughter. Ben swallowed the lump that had formed at the back of his throat, and the figure joined his side once more.

“They struggled for years to conceive,” the figure explained. “We wanted the child to have a good upbringing.. To feel loved. The parents were destined to die during the Clone Wars, we believed that this ending.. At least they knew the love from having a child they always hoped for.”

Ben watched as the father, your father, carried you back around the corner, the laughter dying down the further they got away from the two intruders. Ben couldn’t help but wiggle his fingers by his side, trying to wrap his mind around everything he was learning. “So you created a life naturally. She acts as your connection to the physical world.”

“Yes,” they answered simply. “Plagueis and Sidious detecting her presence in the Force was.. Not expected. But her being brought to Tatooine alongside Skywalker was.. An unexpected advantage. The Sith Lords didn’t know about him at the time, so their bond was naturally built. We did not intervene in that matter.”

“Did you always intend for them to..”

“No,” they answered again simply. “When it began to happen we worried that it would be the same outcome as the future we originally saw.. But we put our trust and hope into her decisions.”

Ben nodded to himself. The scene changed again before him, and they were back to where they started. Grass and sunshine enveloped him, and he inhaled deeply. “What are you expecting out of her.”

It was a demand more than a question. The figure looked him over but he stood his ground. They gave him a short nod, and a small answer before departing him. “To help Skywalker fulfill his destiny.”

* * *

The all too familiar white walls of this Star Destroyer was all Vader tried to focus on. His heavy steps and equally heavy breathing filled the hallways he walked through on his way to his personal chambers. Stormtroopers and officers paused and offered their respect as he passed, but Vader ignored them. He had more important things to attend to.

His personal quarters were his destination. He knew as he walked in and came to a kneel in the middle of the room that his Master would be waiting. Nearly on cue, a hologram appeared before him and towered Vader in size, and the hunched image of his superior filled the room. Vader knew he had his eyes on the back of his helmet, but he kept his head down until he was granted permission to stand.

“Lord Vader,” the sickly, cold voice rang around the walls. Vader’s hiss-and-purr was all but an answer, but he couldn’t help but clench his fist that rested on his bent leg. “Rise, my Padawan.”

Vader rose, coming to a stand still towered over by the Emperor. Under his hood his dark eyes looked over Vader, but offered no hint of any of the thoughts running through his evil mind. “Did you receive word about these pesky Jedi?”

“My Inquisitors are scouring Tatooine as we speak, Master,” Vader answered. The Emperor nodded and said a small ‘good’ in response. Vader looked over his Master, and for a moment wondered if he should tell his Master what he learned.

“Is something troubling you,Padawan?” The Emperor asked. Vader closed his eyes for a moment behind his mask, and with only a second or two to think, he gave a short answer.

“No, Master.”

This was a secret he could carry with him for a little while longer. At least while he did his own investigation.

The Emperor hesitated to end their call, but when he did Vader was on the move again. His Star Destroyer had travelled to the outer rim of the Core Planets, looming in the darkness and stars, none of the planets knew what Lord Vader’s presence meant, but he was sure it put them on edge. It wasn’t often he came near these planets. But he had a mission of his own, and not one that his Master needed to know about. Vader made his way back through the halls and to his personal hangar, where his TIE fighter sat. When he climbed inside and flicked several switches on and heard the familiar roar of the engines, Vader had to control his thoughts.

Vader always enjoyed flying. Even as the weak Jedi he was, it was one of his favorite pastimes. There weren’t too many chances Vader got to be free of the eyes of those around him, so as his ship pulled out of the hangar and the hiss of the engines shot him off towards his destination, he was calm. He ignored the ever growing persistence in the back of mind.

He hadn’t been back to Coruscant since he left the then pregnant Senator with promises of returning. He had intended to rendezvous on Korriban after his duties on Mustafar were complete, and with his beloved by his side they would all travel to Naboo. Vader couldn’t believe how foolish he had been before his true rise to power. But for some reason that didn’t seem to settle his mind as he descended his ship into the familiar flow of traffic on Coruscant.

It was a busy planet, even all these years ago. The hustle and bustle of the upper city was a sight for sore eyes, even behind the helmet Vader always had to wear. But his eyes were trained on one familiar building, one where he had tucked away after the death of his always and forever, one that even when his ship settled on the landing pad just outside the main room, Vader hesitated to get out. But he knew what needed to be done. He pushed himself out of the ship, and with each step he took into the open apartment, the hiss and purr of his breathing was the only sound he could hear.

A tall tower of black, billows of a cape down to the ground and shifting with each step, Vader looked around his surroundings. Images played out before him like he was living in a memory.. One he never wanted to leave.

The room got brighter. Sunshine flittered into the rooms and Vader came to a stop to watch his former self pace before him. He could see the fiddle of his flesh fingers and the mechanical ones that used to adorn his arms, the dark Jedi robes crossed the floors and Vader heard it first. He could see it out of the corner of his helmet, the movement of a body in the other room. Vader watched as the beautiful silhouette that often clogged his mind was just mere feet in front of him again. He didn’t even listen to the conversation that happened in this memory, Vader remembered he had offered his apologies for seeing you in such a vulnerable way. He instead took careful steps forward, looking over your frame, the smile that crossed your face, and when he reached forward to brush some wet hair from your shoulder, when you faded away.

Vader never could live these moments very long. The sunshine was gone, and he was back in the same apartment, but it lacked the life that once was there. Now standing in the bedroom he shared with the woman he imagined forever with, Vader focused his attention on the only out of place item in the room. It was a small chest, one he had tucked away of his own creation to gift to you when his children were born, and it was placed here by Vader himself after the Clone Wars had ended. He had made a trip, unknowing to his Master, back here whenever he retrieved your weaponry from Korriban. 

Vader had felt the need to keep this safe. Safe from the elements, safe from his Master, and safe from himself. But with his knowledge, Vader needed to see it again. With his gloved hands he opened the box and was met with the slight gleam off the lightsaber that rested inside.

The only other thing that stared up at him was the japor ivory pendant tied onto the hilt.

* * *

It had felt like a lifetime between when you had closed your eyes to being able to finally reopen them and squint against the dimly lit and slightly dusted room. Your head fell to the side as you peered around your environment, a light throw blanket covered you and instinctively your hand reached under and lifted the hem of your shirt to glide across your skin. It was smooth and showed no sign that anything had even happened. You pushed yourself up, the ache you remembered was long gone now as well, and carefully moved to set your feet down on the ground.

Ben didn’t have much of himself here, even in his own room. No knickknacks, no personal items, just.. Well, just junk. Gadgets were strewn here and there, old pieces of metal he would eventually recycle into something else, but nothing symbolizing him. You shook your head as you pushed your feet into the boots they must have taken off you who knows how long ago, and stood. Your eyes looked around for any sign of the jacket you had been wearing, but it was nowhere in sight. With a shake of your head and a blood stained tank top, you hesitantly made your way up the rounded stairs, not hearing any voices coming from the main room.

After making it to the top, and no one being there to greet you from your trance, you huffed a bit. Though you had no pain, your body and mind felt weak. Probably just from lack of water and food, but you also had an overwhelming sense of.. Everything. The stale air inside the little house, the smell of burning sand outside, and even the echo of voices just beyond the door. As you pulled yourself over to it, pressing the panel firmly to open the door, you were met with the sweet sound of one voice.

Ben.

Taking steps out into the glaring Tatooine environment was hard enough in and of itself, but you seeked out his voice. Kicking sand up along the way you had gotten maybe five to six steps out before the pounding in your head sharpened. You weren’t close enough to fully capture the exchange, but it was as if you could feel the young Jedi hit the sand like he was right in front of you.

Ben twirled his practice staff over his palms, circling the young Cal Kestis so his back (unironically) faced where you came out of the house. “You have to be aware of your surroundings, Cal. Those Inquisitors won’t hold back, they’ll look for any opening you give them-”

Cal had picked himself up from the sandy ground and given his practice staff a tight squeeze, but he looked past the man before him when a shape caught his eyes. He had loosened his grip seeing you wander out into the sun, and raised a brow. “Uh.. Ben-”

“- And if you ever were to come face to face to the Emperor’s apprentice again, you want to make sure-”

“Sir,” Cal tried again. Ben finally stopped speaking after the red haired Jedi interrupted him again, and Cal motioned behind him. Ben turned around to face the glaring sun but his squint softened at the sight of you. You had come to a stop a few feet away from him but Ben wasted no time in dropping his practice staff and rushing over, and pulling you firmly against him. Instinctively one of his hands nestled the back of your head and the other arm held you to him. He wouldn’t dare to admit it to anyone but he was relieved you had finally woken up.

You two only stayed like this for a moment, before Ben separated from you. He looked you over and noted the dirty clothing you wore, and gave a sheepish smile. “I tried to tell you this wouldn’t end well.”

You let out a chuckle, and only shook your head. “Maybe you’re right.. Please tell me you have food back in there.”

Ben nodded, and with his help, he led you back to the small hut. Cal followed in tow with Ben’s dropped staff, and after a short while, the rest of the young Jedi’s crew had joined them inside.

How were you going to break this news to him?


	5. Everything on Tatooine is Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry this has taken so long to update. there was a death in my family and i needed time to process, as well as try and focus on school (which has been difficult). thank you guys for sticking with me - i know this part is a bit shorter, but the next part is already finished so you wont have to wait very long :)

You had never been so happy to eat terrine in your life. You weren’t sure how much of that Tatooine delicacy you had eaten with the others, but as the suns fell and the cooler night air swept over the sandy dunes, you were lost in your own head versus the conversation before you.

Everything had flooded back to you in one fell swoop after you woke up. The air tickled your skin even from inside Ben’s hut, you could hear what sounded like the far away breaths of a Raider, and in the back of your mind you could feel.. Him. It was a dark and looming impression, something you couldn’t shake as the voices around you were finally starting to sink in.

“We don’t really know where we’re headed next,” Cal’s voice was explaining. He was uncertain, and hesitant to admit what he was saying. Next to him Cere sat back in her chair, fiddling with something on her belt as he continued. “We received a transmission from someone with the Rebel Alliance, but didn’t know if it was safe to travel there.”

Your fingers burned at that admission. You looked up from your bowl with a thought, just a simple idea really. But maybe..?

“I know some alternate routes you could take,” you suddenly interjected into the conversation. You pushed your spoon around the bowl, the clanking became the only sound in the room for some reason. “We’d use them to stay off the Empire’s radar.”

“That would be.. Well great,” Cal said. You nodded as he continued talking, and then set your bowl down.

“Great. We can leave in the morning,” you stated. You did your best to ignore the sudden eyes of everyone in the room on you. You even stood to collect a couple dishes, before someone spoke another word.

“You’re.. Coming along?” Cere asked. You nodded a bit, making a move to the washer when someone else (someone you really didn’t want to argue with right now) spoke up.

“Do you mind leaving us alone for a moment?”

You listened to the shuffle of feet slowly leave the room, followed by the sound of the metal door closing. You tried your best to stay engrossed in cleaning this bowl, but Ben’s ever looming  _ irritated  _ presence was making the room unbearable. You paused and looked to the ceiling and sighed. “Ben-”

“You can’t be serious,” he cut you off. You hummed quietly and went back to scrubbing the bowl in an effort to make it new again. He began to pace behind you, probably with his hands on hips like when he usually scolds you for your decisions. “You nearly  _ died  _ and your first thought is to escort them across the galaxy?”

“I wouldn’t be escorting them,” you replied. You laid the bowl down and grabbed a rag to wipe your hands with. He was waiting for a follow up to your statement, but you.. Didn’t know how to put it. You kept your back to him, fixated on getting your hands dry beyond reason. Not being able to see him would make this easier. “I’d be joining them…  _ For good _ .”

The silence after your confession was suffocatingly thick. You had to put the rag down and finally turned to face him, but your chest tightened. Ben looked at you with scrunched eyebrows, jaw locked, but his eyes were filled with.. Sorrow. You felt a burn at the back of your throat, and took a step forward. “Ben-”

“I met them, the ones you’ve told me about,” he cut you off. You froze in place, unsure of what he was saying, but the way his shoulders seemed to relax meant to you that he wasn’t lying. Ben sighed, looking down towards his feet and crossing his arms. “They told me about how.. You have to help him fulfill his destiny.”

You blinked at him. He was avoiding your gaze more than you wanted to avoid this conversation. You nodded, though he couldn’t see it and couldn’t help but grip your fingers onto the sleeves of your shirt. You weren’t sure what to say. You didn’t know what exactly you were going to do, how you’d get to him, where this path was going to take you, or even  _ why  _ you were chosen for this life, but you admitted the only thing you were certain of. “I have to go with them, Ben.. I just know I have to.”

Ben shut his eyes for a moment. He had to collect himself before he looked up to meet your eyes, and when he did he felt something grow heavy in his chest. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time. But he knew that this was  _ your  _ destiny. All Ben could hope for was that you could save him, and maybe.. Ben would see you again one day. He nodded a bit in acceptance, but turned away and offered a few words over his shoulder. 

“I just hope you are able to get through to him after all these years.”

* * *

Vader didn’t often sleep. Most times when he did he was met with visions and dreams, filled with either his old, weak Master, or images of the pregnant Senator he was formerly friends with. Most times when his mind was able to find momentary peace, his memories of you filled his mind. Tonight seemed to be no different, lucky for him in some way, this memory was when he was a child back on Tatooine. 

The hot sand under his boots and blazing glare from the sun was nearly unbearable as he pulled a bag of parts back to Watto’s. He was small, and the bag was large and strained against his shoulder. But everyone that walked past him didn’t bat an eye, didn’t offer help, and he would remember that for years after. He groaned, coming closer to the shop when he could feel the strap snap, and the tension behind him disappeared. The young boy looked behind him at the broken bag, and rolled his eyes. Of course it broke. Everything on Tatooine was broken, the people included.

The younger Anakin knelt down and tried to rewrap the bag around the strewn parts, sweat trickling down his forehead. When he would get one side up and together, the other would fall back open. He was ready to give up, let the eyes watching him and just waiting to pounce on these parts have at it, until the other side lifted. Anakin looked under the bag, and saw the feet of another. It wasn’t until he lowered the sack a bit was he met with an unfamiliar face.

“Who are you?” He asked. The girl offered a smile, the most beautiful one he had ever seen, and adjusted her grip on the bag.

“(Y/N).”

Anakin would repeat that name to himself as he worked throughout the rest of that day, and into the night. His mother could hear the light whispers under his breath, and smiled to herself each time. Even when she asked him to run the trash out to the nearest compactor, he didn’t complain, instead he was more than happy to do it. He hoped that maybe he could see her again. But on the way there he didn’t see anything, not even on his journey back. Not until he was passing the local Cantina, and someone slowly eased themselves out.

The night shifted, he was taller, like he often remembered of his former self. The Cantina doors slid shut behind the figure, who held themselves up on the edge of the cottage-like walls. Their head was facing the ground, their free hands steady on their torso as if to steady their stomach as well. Vader rolled his eyes, why his mind drifted to an image of yet another drunk Cantina attendant was beyond him. Not until they straightened themselves, and their eyes locked.

You looked.. Different. And it wasn’t because you were probably drunk off your ass. Your eyes carried something heavier in them than he remembered, and it made him uncomfortable. Vader couldn’t hold that gaze much longer, and quickly he turned away from your image, and was quick to disappear into the night. But when he stole glances over his shoulder you were still there, following behind corners, pushing yourself off the wall, and Vader stopped. He couldn’t run from his past anymore. He had to face you.

So Vader took a step and turned back to where he had left you. He waited there until your figure came up, but what he hadn’t expected was when you came face to face with him, you stumbled back. There was shock, there was.. Fear even. With a shake of his head, Vader was met again with loneliness and darkness.. The only thing he had come to know these last few years.

* * *

_ Steady breaths. Focus your mind. You’ll be okay.. He’ll be okay. _

In all honesty, as you stood here in the refresher, gripping the edge of the sink and taking frequent glances at yourself in the mirror - you couldn’t help but wonder if this was the right decision. There was a tug-of-war going on inside your mind and chest, as well as a distant feeling that you had to leave the sandy dunes of Tatooine. It was like a burning sensation at the tip of your fingers, along with a weight in your pocket. 

_ Deep breath. _

You reached down and pulled the weight from your pocket, the familiar japor ivory rubbed your fingers as you moved it over your palm. But looking down at this piece of your past, remembering who gave this to you, it was like the tug-of-war suddenly halted. You closed your fist around the pendant, and slid it back into your pocket.

Anakin needed you. Probably more than ever.

As you exited the refresher, met with the empty feeling that was looming in the house. Outside the door of Ben’s hut was a new adventure just waiting for you to begin. You hadn’t seen the man in question since your disagreement last night, and wondered if he was out there to see you off. But time was ticking, and on your way to the door, you whisked your helmet from a shelf and paused at the door.

_ You were going to be fine. _

The final sentiment paraded in your mind as you slid your helmet over your head, your vision met with the automated eyes inside, and the heat of Tatooine bathing you under your clothing. The sudden sunlight forced you to squint, but one thing was abundantly clear as you stared forward at Cal and Cere standing at the foot of the ramp to their gleaming ship. 

Ben wasn’t seeing you off.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and with each stride closer to the pair, you were feeling so glad that you soon wouldn’t have to feel this sand under your boots again. Or at least for a little while. As you neared, the pair turned to face you and you offered a nod. “Everything alright?”

“It will be as soon as we get off this planet,” Cere commented. Oh boy did you agree with her on that. She gave Cal one final nod before making her way up the ramp, and leaving you two alone in the blazing heat. Cal looked at you with squinted eyes, and motioned back towards the ship. 

“Are you ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you replied. You took one final glance behind you towards Ben’s small hut, where you suddenly realized you had spent so much of your time over the last two years. It made your chest tighten that he was so upset that he wouldn’t even see you off. “He isn’t coming is he?”

Cal hesitated, which made you look back at him. Though he couldn’t see behind your helmet, he could feel your piercing look. Cal tightened his jaw and could only offer a small nod. You flexed your gloved fingers and sighed a bit under the helmet. “Right then.”

It was short and sweet. Cal allowed you to enter the Mantis first, but not without taking one final look at the sandy dunes outside. For a moment his eyes landed on a figure in the distance, but as soon as he saw them they disappeared. He hesitated for a moment, before Greez’s calls from the cockpit snapped him out of it.

“Cal we’re burning precious time here!”

With a hit with his fist, the ramp to the Mantis lifted and closed the crew in from the hot environment. As he made his way to the front of the ship, Cal took a final glance at Merrin who seemed to occupy BD’s attention, he came up to your side and placed a hand on the back of Greez’s chair.

You glanced around at the boards and mechanisms that covered the walls as Cal came to your side. You crossed your arms before you as the engines began to purr outside, the pilot flipping switch after switch. The ship pushed off the ground, shaking inside a bit as it stabilized itself, and you glanced at Cal. “So.. Where are we headed?”

Greez glanced back at Cal as the ship began to exit the atmosphere. You watched the two seemingly exchange unsaid words before Cal lowered himself to look fully out the front of the ship.

“We’re going to Alderaan.”


	6. Darkness and Forgotten Self

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for your support! this is another smaller part but honestly it turned out really nice to me? hopefully that isn't me tooting my own horn. BUT either way... we finally see someone face to face

The clang of boots radiated throughout the small corridor as two sets of feet that climbed down and equally short level. The light vibrations through the ship were foreign for one, having not been to hyperspace in years, and tickled your feet when you found your footing on the lower level of the Mantis. Without skipping a beat, you followed the young Jedi down the hallway to the last door, which opened to reveal an equal sized room. Cal entered before you, rubbing his hands together before turning to face you, just to be met with the sight of you undoing your helmet. “I hope this is comfortable for you.”

“This is more than comfortable thank you,” you replied. You slowly made your way over to the work bench and set the helmet down, but your fingers lingered on the parts left out before you. “Working on your lightsaber?”

“I do from time to time,” Cal stated. He came up by your side, pulling his lightsaber from his side and holding it out before you both. “I rebuilt it before we went to Nur. I remembered a design I had seen in the Temple when I was younger, recreated it-”

With a careful switch, one end of the lightsaber ignited, and you watched as a proud Cal gripped the other end and ignited it as well. With a twist and a pull, the lightsaber disconnected and became two equals, and you swore your stomach flipped at the sight of it. But while he returned it to one full saber, and switched it off, you did your best to muster up a smile as he continued speaking. “I always admired the Jedi who came up with this design, and something in me felt compelled to make it. If I remember correctly, the other Jedi you worked with was the one who inspired this design. Master-”

“Skywalker,” you finished for him. Cal nodded a bit but you took a step backwards from his side. “He was never granted the title of Master.”

Cal looked back at your solemn look, eyes focused on a random part of the wall, and seemed to understand your words a little bit more. “You knew him well.” He stated more than asked.

“Since we were children,” you confirmed. “Before the Jedi found him, we were best friends. Then he left Tatooine, I was still a slave until my debts were paid off… I didn’t see him again until we were adults. That’s when the Jedi allowed me to train under them.”

“Did he die in the Purge?” Cal asked.

You sucked in a breath, before looking his way again. In all honesty you didn’t know how to answer that question. In a way, Anakin did die years ago, and what emerged was the presence that lingered over the galaxy now. His light, that not only enveloped you but those around him, was gone. You couldn’t feel him anymore like you could back then, but then again.. You knew a part of him is still alive.

“No,” was all you could seem to muster. Cal nodded a bit, when a call from up above gathered both of your attention.

“We’re coming out of hyperspace in a few minutes everyone. Cal, I need you up here,” Greez’s voice called out. Cal hesitated for a moment before giving you a short nod and disappearing back from where you both came.

In a moment of silence you slinkered down to the ground in a criss cross position and rubbed your hands over your legs. You couldn’t help but tap your fingers against your knees, pondering over Cal’s question. It had been so long since you had seen Anakin as he is now, though the memories of the suit he donned always seemed to sit in the back of your mind. You wondered for a moment.. Was it possible? Could you reach out to him and hide yourself from him for a few moments? He couldn’t know just yet that you were looking for him..

You inhaled deeply and your eyes fluttered shut, and for the first time in years, reached out through the Force to find Anakin... Or what remained of him.

* * *

Vader was waiting. What exactly he was waiting for was unknown. After retrieving what he was looking for on Coruscant he hastened back to his Star Destroyer and asked not to be disturbed. So here he stood, staring out into the star covered galaxy, contemplating what he had brought back with him from his quick journey. The items added what could only be described as.. A feeling of static in the room.

Vader wondered why he had felt attached to these items that kept him tied to his benevolent past. Why did he feel a heaviness within him for something (dare he say  _ someone _ ) that brought him nothing but torment to his younger self. Why did he feel compelled to retrieve them? Why did his mind wonder like this?

Vader could feel himself slipping, which he dare not continue. He couldn’t help but grip his mechanical fists together and turn back around to where the items laid. In just a few steps he hovered over the dark saber hilt that was wrapped so delicately with the ivory pendant his former self carved. His hands turned the hilt over and dislodged the metal in half, like he remembered, and removed the emitter from one, careful to catch the kyber crystal that laid neatly inside. 

Vader looked the crystal over through his helmet. The white crystal seemed dimmed and dull, not shining like it used to. Crystals often held a vibration through the Force, even if it wasn’t your own, it still felt connected. But this crystal, which Vader recounted as feeling.. Pure and airy, felt like a regular stone in his grip. Like its connection had been severed, not only from the Force but from it’s wielder. Vader set it down respectfully, and dismantled the other emitter and was met with the same feeling.

Emptiness.

It was an unsettling feeling, one that he pushed away. Vader left the dismantled lightsaber on the table, now focused on the pendant instead. Careful to untangle it from the hilt, he laid it out in one of his palms, and overlooked the intricate woodwork. Vader could distinctly remember nicking his fingers a couple times while carving it, though he would never again feel how it truly felt on his fingertips that were long gone.

Vader wouldn’t know it at the time, but as he looked over the connection to his past self, someone was intruding. Though light years away, the intruder stood behind his large frame, watching the way his body stood controlled and tight, the even monotonous breathing, the aura of darkness and forgotten self.

You stood there frozen in place, careful not to execute too much of yourself to alert him to your presence. But with his back to you you couldn’t fully take him in, couldn’t truly grasp him in this moment. You watched as Anakin’s (Vaders?) head lifted, slowly turning to look over his shoulder and you braced yourself. You came face to face with the dark and hollow eyes that shielded you from seeing the true person underneath the helmet, and you could feel your breath catch.

Darth Vader was just like how the stories depicted him. Towering, menacing.. Empty. His gaze was focused on something past you, and you sighed in relief. You knew this was risky, but being here in his presence was worthwhile. To see him walk past you, even breathing filling the room along with the sound of his boots hitting the floor, was somehow comforting. Just knowing that he was here, and knowing that you were coming made some of the tension leave your shoulders. You followed him across the room before he stopped, the beeping from a device cutting through the silence in the room made him freeze, and startled you. You watched him seemingly take a large inhale before something on the wall projected in front of him, and Anakin lowered to his knee in compliance.

It had been just as long since you had seen Palpatine, or as he stood in a hologram before you now, the Emperor. Oh the things you would enact on him if you were truly there with him. Revenge may not be the Jedi way but damn you were looking forward to the fact that you were no Jedi. But something else settled in the pit of your stomach, one you wished never crossed your mind.

Fear.

The Emperor seemed to hesitate in his greeting to his Padawan, as if taking in the scene before him. Under his hooded cloak you could just barely make out the way his eyes overlooked the room. “Lord Vader.. I have sensed a disturbance through the Force.”

Vader couldn’t admit that he had felt anything, but he was careful to keep his fist clenched around the pendant he had been observing earlier. He kept his head bowed as he replied. “The Jedi from Nur may be on the move again.”

“This disturbance feels more.. Familiar,” Palpatine asserted. Vaders' head finally lifted to face his Master fully, but remained submissive. “A connection to our shared past.”

The only sound that radiated through the room was Anakin’s shallow and slow breaths. You watched the exchange carefully, unsure how much longer you could risk being here. Slowly he came to a stand, and gave Palpatine a short nod. “I will look into this, Master.”

The Emperor gave no sign of acknowledgement before the transmission went out, and you knew it was time to go. Anakin turned slowly to face back where he dismantled your sabers, but he paused as he came fully into view. Frozen in place, you stared at one another, though you were unsure if he could see you or if it was more of a feeling of a presence. It was a question you would have to get an answer to another day.

With a sad and heartfelt smile, you whispered out loud. “I’ll see you soon Ani.”

As your eyes reopened you found yourself back on the Mantis, still sitting on the metal floor and could feel wetness on your cheeks. Your fingers grazed under your eyes and you let out a quiet sigh as you wiped the tears that had escaped away. The jostling of the ship indicated the exit from hyperspace, and you took a moment to collect yourself before standing and grabbing the helmet you brought with you. Much like Anakin now, you slid it on and it hissed in connection, and you were met with the familiar mechanical viewfinder.

As you climbed the ladder back up to the top level, you couldn’t help but wonder what Anakin would be doing now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> face to face... kinda ;)


End file.
